Yes, we can learn more effective interpersonal skills despite the fact I’ve had supervisors tell me that it can’t be done.
With such a fixed mindset, these supervisors just placed a nail in their coffin about developing their own interpersonal skills as well as those they supervise.
Yes, learning and/or teaching interpersonal skills is more challenging than learning technical skills, so the objective of this article is to summarize the behavioral change process that all of us employ, whether we realize it or not.
I’ve been conducting 360° evaluations for a client since 2017. We recently completed a trend analysis and noted that seeking and using feedback to improve individual performance emerged as a developmental area every year since then. Thus, I’m using it as an example to illustrate the change process, as I also know this is a challenge within dealerships. Note that these seven steps constitute a flow chart process, and steps 1 – 5 must be completed before the change begins in step six.
1. Accept Responsibility
You are who you are today because of the way you think. So, if you’re struggling with securing and using input to improve your performance, you have to accept the responsibility for your current mindset, and only you can change it.
2. Recognize the Need to Secure and Use Performance Feedback
Recognizing the need to change is as simple as completing a list of the disadvantages/advantages associated with not securing performance feedback. Examples are listed below:
Disadvantages
• Performance will remain as it is.
• Career advancement will be stalled.
• Remaining as is, is okay with me.
• May even lose my job when not interested in improving performance.
• Other employees may have to work harder to overcome my poorer performance.
Advantages
• Avoid the discomfort of learning I’m not doing as well as I thought.
• Avoid the pain of change.
• I enjoy my comfort zone.
Whether you complete this exercise or not, you must think about the severity of the disadvantages leading to the decision; remaining as is — is not an option. This is the first energy source that drives personal change.
3. Desired Behavior
The desired behavior is at least once a quarter; you schedule securing input from people with whom you work. That means asking them, “What can I do to improve my working relationship with you?” Once you’ve finalized the change you’re going to make, share it with those who offered their input.
4. Willing to Change
Willingness to change is based on the excitement of securing and using performance feedback from those with whom you work. There are always disadvantages associated with changing behavior, so the point is the energy associated with the advantages must exceed that energy associated with the disadvantages.
Completing another brainstorming session to list the ratio of advantages/disadvantages of completing Step 3 can be helpful. You want the advantages to have a strong magnetic pull so that you decide, “I must start securing and using the feedback to improve my performance.”
I’ve listed a few disadvantages and advantages associated with changing.
Disadvantages
• I must stay focused to use the behaviors listed in Step 3.
• Change is hard work.
• Change is going to take time.
Advantages
• I am using the potential that resides in my body.
• Potentially advancing my career within the Dealership.
• Advancing the possibility that others will enjoy working with me.
• I am helping myself, the team, and the Dealer- ship to be even more successful.
• Providing a positive example to the people who work with me.
Again, whether you complete this structured exercise or not, the advantages associated with securing and using feedback must provide a strong magnetic pull to keep you focused on changing. This is the second energy source for change. Of the two energy sources, the pull from these advantages is critical to keep you focused on changing.
5. Personal Image
You must see yourself in your mind’s eye doing the behaviors listed in Step 3. You only do what you see yourself doing. For example, I don’t see myself voluntarily picking up a snake… it won’t happen!
There may be times when the “pain” of change exceeds the excitement associated with making the change. Should that happen, you may be tempted to quit. Remember, the temptation to quit is a sign that you are, in fact, changing.
6. Practice
Use every day as a focused practice day. There are a series of behaviors to practice associated with Step 3. First, begin the day with the mindset that today is the day you are going to seek performance feedback. Second, decide what changes you need to make. Third, today, you are putting the feedback to work. Fourth, ask your coworkers for real-time feedback to hold you accountable to practice the desired changes. Fifth, remember that habit strength is in direct proportion to the number of times you practice the new behavior on a daily basis.
A case in point, as an introvert I practiced saying “good morning” to strangers when I was in college, and today, WalMart is a great place to practice. Now, my wife wishes I would quit practicing. I embarrassed her with a crazy mistake, but that is a story for another time. I considered it a learning opportunity!
7. Feedback
There are two sources of feedback: 1) yourself and 2) from others. First, at the end of the day, answer this question, did I do my best today to…? You can even give yourself a grade and record it in your calendar so you can observe the progress you are making. Second, encourage your supervisor and coworkers to provide real-time feedback to hold you accountable and note the progress being made.
Working with Change Resistance
There may be times when the “pain” of change exceeds the excitement associated with making the change. Should that happen, you may be tempted to quit. Remember, the temptation to quit is a sign that you are, in fact, changing. You can reignite your desire to secure and use the feedback offered to improve your performance by revisiting the “two whys”, i.e., your content for Steps 2 and 4.
Additionally, review the documented progress you’ve made. Remind yourself you’ve already asked coworkers for feedback— so you know you can do it. Just keep practicing. Or, as it has been said, fake it until you make it. Remember, experiencing discomfort while changing behavior is a sign that you are making progress. You will soon “be more comfortable with being uncomfortable.” This fact will be your partner throughout your career.
Even though I illustrated the seven steps of change by securing and using feedback to improve personal performance, these dynamics underwrite the successful changes you make throughout your lifetime.
LARRY COLE, PH.D., is a lead trainer for and consultant to the North American Equipment Dealers Association’s Dealer Institute. He provides onsite training and public courses to improve business leadership effectiveness and internal and external customer service. Please send questions and / or comments to Larry at teammax100@gmail.com
